Carmichael Dave’s Wife’s Blog: She Turns The Tables

Dave’s Note: My wife took my daughter out for a Mommy/Daughter morning, and predictably when they came home there was yelling and tears and God knows what (while our son and I were quietly and calmly watching sports. Melissa informed me I had to take him to his friend’s birthday party at Golfland Sunsplash because she was “over it”. Knowing that I am the man of the house and what I say goes at all times, I immediately jumped up and said “yes ma’am” and took off. 

She knew that I had to write some blogs for the station, so to “make it up to me”, she emailed me this novel sticking it right to my ear hole. So here it is, against my better wishes- unedited/unabridged: My wife dragging me…..

What it’s like to be a Radio Host’s Wife: By Melissa

You would think being a wife of a local radio host, who is somewhat popular (don’t want him getting a big head or anything), would be the coolest thing ever. You get sometimes get to do cool things and meet cool people. Sounds fun right?

Let me preface this with the truth before I embellish the annoying and dumb things that go with being a radio host wife.

1. It is true; you do get to do cool things. And I am not the only one that “hangs on Dave’s coattails” as I like to call it. Our kids benefit as well. When I was young I could only dream of some of the stuff my kids have already done. Possibly even have given my right arm (or maybe just a baby toe) to sit courtside at Kings games or go to Disneyland or go to the circus or go to the soccer games or any of the other countless things I can’t remember. Jealous yet? Well fear not! Because this has bred a level of spoiled where these things are no big deal. So feel good that your kids (if you have any) will grasp the concept of working for and appreciating the cool things that come to them.
2. It is true that I have met a lot of cool people. Some celebrities some not. There is really not a “but” on this one. I am thankful for the people and relationships I have made that I wouldn’t have otherwise had if I had not met Dave.

 

But you don’t want to read about all of the rainbows and butterflies. You want to read about the juicy stuff – why it sucks being married to a radio host. Well here you are:

1. Watching sports all day is acceptable because it is for his job. I see the argument on this one. It is part of his job. But you know what else part of his job is? Taking care of our children, helping around the house, maybe cooking a meal or two. Football season is the worst! Basically a whole day is wasted. And not only that, but everyone is held hostage to football. We are able to have four receivers on in the house at once, but all are being hogged up for various football games. So we are subjected to the torture all day. We also can’t schedule anything or make any plans that day. Well that’s not true. We can….but only I will be the one attending. And this goes on for months! He should be thanking his lucky stars that he married someone who likes to watch sports and has even accepted watching football. Any normal girl probably would have divorced him by now.
2. Part of his job requires him to talk to various people on the phone. You guys might think he works 4 hours a day. Wrong. I wish. He’s basically working the entire day and into the evening talking to people and learning things he can use on his show. However, this happens nonstop! I keep telling him he needs to surgically implant his phone into his brain. Which I actually think he would be open to doing. But you know what’s annoying? When it is night time and you want to “cuddle” and he’s down stairs talking to who knows what about nothing important. And then I fall asleep before he goes upstairs. You get the picture.
3. People coming up to us in public because they recognize him is no big deal. I actually think it’s humbling that people hold him in that light. But here’s the deal. I am low maintenance. Most of the time I am in workout clothes and hat with no makeup. Can’t I be squalor incognito? Is that so much to ask? And I don’t even have to be with Dave for this to happen. Enough people know what I look like that they will tweet Dave that they saw me in the store with a picture of me looking like I just came from the trailer park. If I cared more, I would have to put hours in every day just in case today was the day that he/I will be recognized. That would be no life to live at all.
4. This one is my biggest peev. I have lost my own identity. Outside of work (and somewhat inside too) I am known as “Carmichael Dave’s Wife.” Uh, hello – I do have a name. It’s Melissa in case you were one of the people who labeled me. Because I have no identity, I have no voice. Do you know how many annoying people are on various social media sites? Who just talk all kinds of crazy because they are nerds behind a keyboard. Side note – I would love to see a show where someone is trolling someone else and the show finds the troll and they comfort them face to face. Guarantee the majority of the trolls would wet their pants, or backpedal, or stutter. Someone should pitch that – you will make a bunch of money. I digress. People are dumb, and I want to tell them they’re dumb. Nothing gives me more satisfaction then shutting down people who think they A.) Know everything about a situation when they don’t or B.) Have a chip on their shoulder like their opinions mean something. Please. But I am not allowed to say anything. Why? Because if I say something then they think Dave said it and it is his opinion. Really? Last time I checked it isn’t 1950. I am my own person, with my own opinions. I can say something without it getting approved by my man. But media is weird like that. Everything has the potential to get blown out of proportion or spun in a way that it wasn’t intended. I have had to learn to live with it – but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
5. He always teases me that I have a “cute little job” because my job isn’t super cool like his. I know he does it in fun (so don’t you people start bashing him). Yes my job is boring. I work in the Compliance Department of a mortgage company. I mean, it can’t be much more boring than that. It sucks coming home from work and I say “How was your day?” He proceeds to tell me how something happened with the Kings, or he had lunch at Mikuni’s with some cool person. Then he asks me how my day was. “Well, you know, I had to tell this loan officer that he had to pay for a fee to the borrower because he was out of compliance.” *Crickets* But whatever, I will one day do something cool and then give him the middle finger and tell him his job is “cute.” You just wait and see…

 

So here’s a little insight into my life. It has its highs and lows. Sometimes I have to do things or go places that I would rather not do (I am pretty shy). But I do them, because that is what a wife should do. And even though Dave drives me up the wall sometimes I wouldn’t change this life for the world. I think about what my life would be if I hadn’t met him. Probably be living in a trailer to match my daily attire. Drinking Keystones and trying to get a hold of various baby daddies. That’s a little extreme. It wouldn’t be that bad. But it wouldn’t be as cool as it is right now. So I guess I will continue to be “Carmichael Dave’s wife.”

 

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