Tank Commander: Why I Hate The Lakers

The Lakers beat the Kings last night at Golden 1 Center. Though the Tank Commander can argue that the loss at this point of the season was the best thing for the “Sag for Bagley” or Puka for Luka” sweepstakes, I tend to suspend all thoughts of tanking for Laker games, especially Laker games in Sacramento.

Not only is losing to the Lakers painful enough, but with the advent of social media, you get Laker fans inserting themselves. Yes, I can’t stand the Lakers, but perhaps the only thing more annoying in sports than the Lakers, are those that follow them. For example:

https://twitter.com/David_the_Guapo/status/967800491567542272

Well David, first off great name.

Secondly, I can’t speak for every Laker fan in Sacramento, and it would be impressive if you had met each one. But let’s assume your premise is correct, and explore why the hatred is so one-sided.

1. Yeah. Being cheated out of a championship will tend to sting.
2. Robert Horry
3. Kobe Bryant
4. Kobe Bryant being fouled by Mike Bibby’s nose
5. Shaq
6. Shaq calling us queens
7. Shaq mooning fans at Arco Arena (a new revelation)
8. Rick Fox
9. Phil Jackson and the cowtown
10. Laker fans

There are many, many more reasons. Please consider that the Lakers have a massive amount of championships, the Sacramento Kings have none. LA is a destination city, Sacramento is not. We have always felt like the stepchild of California- not LA, not SF, not even Tahoe or San Diego or Mendocino County. But I can make the argument that Sacramento is the best place in all of California to live. I’m serious.

Consider: Sacramento itself is a great city with great people, but that in itself doesn’t put them in the conversation. The weather here is pleasant, save for summers that are a little hot for my taste. But none of that is why Sac is the best place in California.

We are less than 2 hours from San Francisco. In fact, in under 4 hours, you can get to:

1. San Francisco
2. Monterey
3. Lake Tahoe
4. Napa
5. Mendocino County
6. Yosemite

There are others I missed. You’re also less than an hour by plane (or 7-9 hours by car) from LA and San Diego.

So you’re still saying “Dude you’re not making the argument for Sac, you’re making the argument for Sac being near great places”. Sure, you have a point. Here’s the hammer-

Its comparatively cheap to live here.

Think about it. Sacramento is a fine city. You may say “Ok Dave, but so is Modesto or Woodland or (insert other smaller and maybe even cheaper city here). Sure, but give me another city in California that has many of the “big city” amenities (International airport, major league team, rapidly growing fine dining brigade, etc) that also is close to everything AND cheap. Go ahead.

Bottom line: Sacramento is the launching point. You can experience a day trip to the Bay without having to pay to live there. You can live relatively cheap and still access much of the best of California.

Oh, and you’re not a dirty scumbag water thief.

So in conclusion (this got off on a tangent), the Lakers and Laker fans (for the most part) suck. There are great elements to every fan base, and yes- even some Kings fans are obnoxious clowns.

But next time you go to a Kings-Lakers game in Sac, you see drunken Laker fan double fisting beers wearing a Kobe jersey that they grew out of 8 years and 3 kegs ago. They’re the ones that feel the need to stand up and look around them trying to fight everyone when their team scores in the first quarter. They’re the ones sucker punching Kings fans postgame (true story from last night). They go more to try and compensate for their (ahem) small…..personalities than they do for the game.

Not all Laker fans.

But most.

I would say I hope I helped answer David’s question, but in reality I know I didn’t. I will be met with a dumbfounded look and most likely

1. “Hater”
2. “Queens”

or

3. “LAAAAKERRRRRRRRZZZZZ”

And until the day we bring home Larry O’Brien to Sacramento, we will always be more angry at them than they are at us. And that’s the way it should be.

 

 

 

 

 

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